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CHAOS THEORY Once again, almost two months have passed and I completely forgotten that I even have a blog.
Mea culpa. As Samuel Taylor Coleridge once said, "summer has set in with its usual severity." So far, Summer 2011 has been going great. After a few rough summers, I feel like I got my sea legs back and am ready to embrace what has always been my most cherished season. For me, summer is not just a season but rather a state of mind. Bring it on, yo. As I type this, I'm sitting outside the Doctor's beach house, where he and I are taking turns throwing the kids into the pool and listening to them squeal hysterically with delight. The picnic table is piled abundantly high with bottles of oakley flak jacket Rose, pitchers of homemade lemonade, lobster salad, farmhouse guacamole, and fresh vegetables from the garden. The faint smells of coconut suntan lotion and flowers permeate the air. Have I mentioned how much I love summer? TIPS ON BEING A GREAT HOUSEGUEST The Peanut and I have always been lucky when it comes to the generosity of our friends; and while it's always nice to be invited for a single weekend, here are a few of our personal tips for ensuring multiple future invitations. That way, the hosts will never forget me and I feel like part of their home. Buy that bottle of Jagermeister. Slip the kids some Benadryl. Take a dump late at night in the neighbor's pool. Your hosts will oakley sunglasses cheap outlet love telling this story for years. into a smaller apartment and shedding myself of so many material possessions was unexpectedly cathartic. I realized that very few objects I owned held any emotional value for me. Somewhere along the line, I'd crossed over and reached a point where the things I owned ended up owning me. Like so many others before me, I had become a slave to the Ikea nesting instinct. It's a vicious cycle. One moment, you're spending $250 on some bathroom candles. Next you're blowing $8,000 on a dining table. Pretty soon, dropping $100k on a car doesn't sound so unreasonable. Unless one makes a conscious decision to end the cycle, where and when does it end? I have no wish to be poor but, at the oakley whisker sunglasses same time, I have no desire to be rich. Whereas over the course of my life, I've been both, I've come to realize that neither status has ever played much of a role in my overall life's satisfaction or general happiness. So aside from the basic ability to support myself and my daughter in Manhattan, I'm starting to think that when it comes to my financial ambitions, I desire only enough money to be able to travel several times each year, to never have to think about purchasing books or clothes, and most importantly, to be able to buy sushi dinners for my friends wherever and whenever I please. Hey, I know it's not Walden Pond but I think it's a step down the right path. 6 The following text missives from my eclectic group of friends are all about to get purged so, as usual, I thought I jot them down here for posterity: "Every time I hear Debbie and her Australian accent, I want to go eat at Outback." "Baby just exploded diarrhea all over me. Dog is licking it up. Think I going to vomit. Go ahead and start dinner without me. I'm gonna be awhile." just say that the last guy to cook for me twice in one day was probably Colonel Sanders." "The worst side effect of gender equality is the couples baby shower." "How many calories are burned eating a lobster roll? I'm asking for the lobster." "In honor of the Puerto Rican Day Parade, I'm sexually harassing my wife right now and spraying the kids with shaving cream.
" "Who do you think would win in a fight? Cher or Lady Gaga?" "Just for the record, I wasn't staring at her ass. I always empathize with my female friends who tell me that they'd love to do this as well but can't because apparently there's something about being best oakley glasses female and alone in a bar that makes everyone assume that she's desperate for conversation, so people like to interrupt her ("Hey, whatcha reading?") and if she doesn't smile and answer politely, they think to themselves "bitch!" As a man walking into a bar alone with a book, I'd like to think that people find me dashing and intellectual but I'll settle for nerdy and weird. Either way, I never get bothered.
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